NASCAR All-Star Race?

Looking back at Saturday's All-Star race, and I'm still not sure I understand everything I saw.

Brian Vickers wrecks Mike Bliss (and by wreck, I mean WRECK) to win the Open, and says he didn't do it on purpose? Well, he hit Mike's car square on the left side of the rear bumper in a turn, so I don't think he was trying to help him across the start / finish line, do you? Either Vickers has been taking lessons from his teammate, Jimmie (Not My Fault) Johnson in post race interview techniques, or he's struggling with the whole concept of going AROUND the other cars.

In the All-Star race itself, Joe Nemechek and Kevin Harvick nearly wind up in a fist fight over a wreck neither of them caused? Evidently, Harvick's spotter told him that Nemecheck caused the wreck, and things got a little ugly from there. Joe was so far sideways by the time he crossed Harvick's path that he could look through Kevin's windshield and wave hello to him, but the spotter thought it was Joe's fault? I'm just guessing here, obviously, but I have a feeling that the spotter took his eyes off the track to check out Pam Anderson's outfit, and when he looked back up, Kevin was already wrecked. Having found himself in a spot where he needed to think fast, he quickly blamed Joe, since Joe's car was right there next to Kevin's after everyone was finished spinning. Kevin went after Joe, when he really should have gone after Pam for showing up at the race dressed like that in the first place. (Or maybe he should have just gone after her for showing up at the race, period, since her presence was about as relevant as the proverbial tits on a boar.)

Tony Stewart causes a huge wreck and isn't skewered by fans and media alike for being wreckless and/or hotheaded? I'm really puzzled by this one. It was clear that the wreck was mostly a "racing deal", but that has never stopped people from blasting Stewart in the past. I've seen no mention of Tony needing more anger management classes, or Tony being too impatient or any of the many other criticisms sent his way in years past. Is it possible that people have finally realized that Stewart is not evil personified and that sometimes things just happen? Or is it more likely that pretty much everyone was looking at Pam Anderson's outfit and decided to just blame it all on Joe Nemechek? I'm going with the second option.

Ryan wrecks Rusty and Rusty doesn't criticize him? Rusty Wallace and Ryan Newman do not get along at all, no secret there. But, Ryan ends up collecting Rusty after driving too hard too early into a turn and spinning, and Rusty doesn't even cast a hint of blame Ryan's way? In years past, Rusty would have been quite willing to lay the blame at the feet of the person responsible. Are we seeing a more mellow Rusty Wallace, content to just go out and race in his final full season in Cup? Or is it more likely that aliens have landed, beamed the real Rusty Wallace aboard the mother ship, and sent back a perfect (but kinder and gentler) clone? We'll know for sure if Rusty starts complaining about difficulty sitting in the car, since I'm sure the anal probes have to leave a guy pretty tender back there.

What else happened? Martin Truex, Jr won the fan vote, even though he's not a full time Cup driver, Mark Martin won the race in a "retro" paint scheme and thousands of fans were temporarily mortified, thinking they'd seen a sky diver plummet to his death in the parking lot.

The broadcasters on FOX told us there was a full moon, but had they not, would there have been any doubt?

Who Am I and Why Am I Here?

I'm an avid NASCAR fan, as well as a bit of a smartass, and it was pretty much inevitable that I would eventually merge those two "qualities" into something like what you now see on your screen.

Let's face it - there are many excellent sites devoted to NASCAR (and you'll find links to a few of those on the right of your screen), but there's not much real humor available. Some of the more popular sites take a shot at humor now and again, and I'm sure the guys who write the stuff think it's pretty funny, but for the most part it only seems funny because it's the only thing written in jest on the entire site. It's kind of like ripping a fart in Church - people laugh at it because it's a distraction in an otherwise serious environment. (Before you go getting any ideas for this Sunday, remember the ancient Chinese proverb: "Man who fart in Church sit in own pew".)

THIS DOES NOT mean that everything (or anything, for that matter) you read here will make you pee your pants laughing, but I do think you'll find it entertaining, and if you happen to find it thought provoking, please let me know so I can make sure it doesn't happen again.

Please be advised that anyone and everyone will be considered fair game here. I WILL make fun of ALL drivers, teams, owners, sponsors, NASCAR officials, network commentators and fans on these pages. Will I make fun of your favorite driver? You bet! But I will also make fun of my favorite as well. Everything will be written very much tongue in cheek, and all in the interest of having fun. If you ever feel offended by anything you read here, please contact me immediately so I can recommend you run a Google search to see if you can come up with a sense of humor, because you will have obviously missed the whole point.

There are a couple things you won't see here (or at least, you won't see much of them): There will be no "redneck" jokes, or references to fictional people such as "Billy Bob", "Joe Ray" or "Billy Bob Joe Ray". No one will be called a huckleberry or a hay seed. The sport has moved beyond that as far as I'm concerned, and most comments in that regard were never all that funny anyway, even when it was primarily a sport "by rednecks for rednecks". You also won't see many comments about drivers' physical appearances and/or shortcomings. Is calling Ryan Newman "No Neck" or Kurt Busch "Ears" or Greg Biffle "Bug Eyes" funny? Kinda. But it's a cheap way to get a laugh, in my opinion. (Now if someone ends up with a black eye after a race, that WILL be considered fair game.)

The plan is to update things here every other day or so, so please bookmark this site and check back often. I hope you'll have as much fun reading here as I will writing it, and please feel free to leave feedback, either through the site, or by email at daysofblunder@gmail.com.